Are you having wedding jitters?

Are you thinking 'Yes, No, Maybe?' You may ask yourself if it’s normal to get the feeling of ‘cold feet’ when you think of saying ‘I do’…Is it normal to be scared of thinking you may commit yourself to the wrong one, or to have panic attacks and a gut feeling that ‘the right one’ may not be ‘Mr or Mrs Right’ after all…?

Don’t worry! You are normal! It’s a very common phenomenon and perfectly justified to make sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for. According to US statistics, 2,096,000 couples tied the knot in 2010 and 872,000 couples ‘untied’ it (41.60%) so yes, your feelings are completely justified!

Over the last few years, it has been a growing trend between couples to announce and celebrate their engagement with friends and family and then have a ‘trial-run’ as a married couple. Even though they may have lived together already, they opted to celebrate a symbolic wedding that isn’t legally binding and after a ‘trial period’ or when children announce themselves, they do ‘the real thing’!

We think it's a great idea! According to relationship experts, the first 3 years of any relationship is classed as the ‘honeymoon period’, after that, the pink glasses have come off and we see each other as we really are, so why not go for a ‘trial run’ without the legal implications first? It makes perfect sense!

If you’re determined to do ‘the real thing’ without a ‘trial run’, just ask yourself a few questions:

Do the things that spring to your mind when you think about your wedding really bother you or are they actually insignificant? Does his or her way of doing certain things raise alarm bells? Is your gut feeling warning you? Is there a little voice in your head that makes you doubt your decision? Have your friends noticed certain things in your partner that you have also observed and warned you about them?  

If that’s the case, the best advice is to take a few days ‘time-out’ from your wedding planning and talk openly with each other about your worries. Getting married is an important step in your lives. It often completely changes your lifestyle and you have to ask yourself whether you are both willing to compromise and if you both pull on the same piece of string…

We have put together a list of questions that you should ask yourself before jumping in the deep end:

Do we have similar future goals in terms of children, housing situation, i.e. buy, build or rent a place or where we want to live?

Have we been together for at least 2 years and have we lived together and managed ok?

Are we sexually compatible and do we share the same amount of passion for each other?

Can we talk openly about everything or are there areas where one of us shuts off, starts lecturing or manipulating the other one?   

Do we know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and can I live with them?

Do I respect, trust and believe in my partner?

Do we have similar needs with regards to being close or distant with each other?

If I was stranded on a desert island, would I want to be with him/her or would I rather be with someone else?

Does he/she make me feel safe and give me a warm cosy feeling?

Do we share the same sense of humor?

What do my best friends think of him/her?

Does he/she like and get on with my friends and family?

Does he/she allow me to be myself? For example, shopping trips, girlie nights or fishing trips, long telephone conversations, working on the car, etc.

Does he/she introduce you as his partner?

Do you share some hobbies?

Does he/she also love your ‘problem areas’? 

Has he/she ever turned down a night out with friends for you?

Have you been on vacation together and had a great time?

Does he/she remember your birthday and Valentines Day?

Does he/she pay attention to detail and sometimes surprises you with little things?

Does he earn sufficient in order to maintain our lifestyle should I chose to become a ‘stay-at-home-mum’ for a while?

What is his/her view on children and working?

The most important thing is to answer these questions being completely honest with yourself!  

If you end up with a positive answer to most of these questions, don’t worry, you’re just having a small attack of the pre-wedding jitters!

However, if after answering these questions you notice several discrepancies that may lead to conflict in the future, don’t brood too long over how you can communicate your worries to your partner in a gentle way, or you’re running the risk of just bottling it up and never saying anything at all. The best way is to keep it short and direct, like: “I feel really overwhelmed and a bit scared right now in terms of our wedding. I would prefer to have a bit more time to make sure this is the right decision for both of us.” 

We all know that marriages are not always ‘til death us do part’ but the one you do choose to spend your life with should nevertheless be the right one! There is never a guarantee when you enter a contract for life and someone once said: “If you want a guarantee, buy a washing machine!”

So how do you know if it’s the right one?

If you catch yourself thinking ‘maybe someone better will come along one day’ or ‘he/she would be perfect if only we could change this or that’, then its definitely not the right one, and neither is it the right one if that little voice in your head is still there, making you doubt your relationship, or, that gut feeling in your stomach just doesn’t go away.

You know it's the right one is when there is not a grain of doubt, when there is no little voice warning you and the only feeling in your stomach are the butterflies you get when you see each other or hear each other’s voice!